Now You Too Can Smell Like That School Down 81

Some mornings, there just isn't anything to write about. This is especially true when it's the summer and the blog you write for covers college sports. You wake up, you check Twitter, you peruse some headlines, and hope to not find any familiar names or faces in the police blotters.

Other mornings, though. Oh other mornings the writer's cup overfloweth. And this morning, like sweet manna from heaven, this: Virginia Tech is making some sort of custom school cologne.

Masik Collegiate Fragrances, which is reportedly an actual thing, has set up camp inside the Blacksburg bookstore and is testing different perfumes on the kids. . . . On Friday, students still on campus tested a bunch of different scents, three of which will be chosen for each gender.

I have to admit I was a bit surprised at the news. It was my understanding that all Tech fans already wore the same cologne, the one available from Bass Pro Shops for only $8.99.

But in the spirit of being neighborly, we at Streaking the Lawn would like to offer suggested names and fragrances for the Hokies as they set off on this brave new endeavor.

• Eau de Zero National Titles
• Cody Journell's Mace
• This Turkey Got No Balls
• Legstomper, by Marcus Vick
• Jingle Jingle Go The Double-Wide Keys
• Better than Cow Dung
• Don't Drink This, You'll Go Blind
• Hey Y'all, Smell This
• VPI-P-U
• Cousins in the Mood
• Nah, I Didn't Even Apply To U.Va. I Just Thought Blacksburg Was More Authentic, Ya Know? I'm Sure I Could Have Gotten In There Too, Though.

Whatever our delightfully unrefined neighbors to the southwest end up calling their concoction, we look forward to seeing it at Wal-Marts from Bristol to Staunton. After all, we've always joked that Tech stinks. And now we have proof.