The real low down on UConn Football, as told by our friends at Syracuse

The first thing you need to know about Connecticut football is that we’re not rivals. Basketball? Sure, we’ll still count them among a hated bunch of former Big East foes. But football is not basketball and thus, we are not rivals.

Last time Syracuse faced the Huskies (in 2012), SU beat them pretty soundly, 40-10. UConn was in the midst of being ruined by ruining former Orange head coach Paul Pasqualoni and it only got worse from there. I mean, look at this man and tell me he how knows joy of any sort. Admittedly, it’s hard to find any satisfaction in life from a far-off outpost like Storrs, Connecticut. Despite that being obvious, it hasn’t stopped two different coaches with Syracuse ties from trying their luck there in the last 20 years. Randy Edsall was so desperate to leave that place he WILLINGLY took the Maryland job.

UConn fans are an entertaining bunch, in that they have no actual rival at this point, yet will pretty much yell at any other fanbase about things almost entirely having to do with basketball (even if you’re discussing football). Try tweeting something negative about UConn. Really, give it a shot. Throw ANYTHING out into the ether and someone(s) will come running to tell you why you are very wrong and should probably die.

The Huskies also take a strange pride in being IN New York, despite not being in the state, or in the city. They’re closer to New Haven, Hartford and Boston. But don’t you dare bring those facts up when talking about conference realignment. For those purposes, they’re a suburb of New York City. Or even the SIXTH BOROUGH!!! Who knew the country’s largest city would create a borough more than three hours away that is very difficult to get to by train? But they did. It’s a wonder of modern urban planning. They’ll also tell you they own New York because they registered a vanity URL of Syracuse.nyc. Cybersquatting is land ownership, you see.

Beyond all of that, UConn football is not much of a thing, though they did participate in the Fiesta Bowl following the 2010 season. Few outside of Storrs will ever acknowledge this occurred, and that includes the other “supposed” participant, Oklahoma. Growing up as a kid on Long Island, I once watched UConn lose to Hofstra by a score of 56-0 or something similar. The fact that the same UConn program has a winning all-time record against my alma mater still harms my psyche to this day.

UConn’s QB this year is an NC State castoff in Bryant Shirreffs. So if nothing else, you’ll feel like you got to play the Wolfpack more than once every decade. Bob Diaco seems like he’s done a nice job quickly implementing a quality defense over there. Last year, there probably would’ve been a joke here about him using this game to audition to be your next coach. Now that you’re on the Bronco train, however, he’s probably just biding his time in Storrs until Kirk Ferentz dies and he can go back to Iowa.

Seriously, though, there’s a very real possibility you lose this game. There’s a similarly real possibility you win, because anyone who has paid attention to UConn in the last couple weeks knows their fate rests in stupid results. Dealt what should be a winning hand against Maine, they almost effed it up, narrowly avoiding their second FCS defeat in three seasons (HI TOWSON). Dealt a second winning hand against Navy, in week two, they failed to get a play off from the goal line with the clock running out. These games are all you need to see to truly understand this program.

Enjoy PAWS ARF, if you can find your way over to it. Should you get lost, ask a campus tour guide to point you in the right direction. They’ll be happy to help.

John Cassillo runs Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician, SB Nation’s Syracuse blog. Thanks for playing along, and you’re welcome for giving you an outlet to vent about your non-rival UConn bros!