Let’s take a brief pause from all the football commits to talk about something a little more important to the STL community: Bodo’s.
For decades, Wahoos, locals, and Charlottesville visitors* have been enjoying the best bagels in America (according to something I saw on Facebook) at the three legendary locations in The Hook. However, through my years of eating, working at, and talking about Bodo’s, I’ve encountered a great deal of varying opinions on what is the best thing to order there. So let’s put this to rest, shall we? I’ve consulted with some of the smartest people I know on this. I present to you, dear readers:
The Definitive Ranking of Bodo’s Orders:
(note: for the purposes of this ranking, I’ll be mainly discussing sandwich fillings, not the types of bagels themselves. Obviously an everything bagel is the best, but plain has its purposes, and no one is psycho enough to order a salt bagel)
1. Egg + Sausage.
I recommend jalapeno-lime cream cheese. For real. Best possible sandwich in the establishment. Throw a NoBull on instead of sausage if need be.
2. Deli Egg.
We may be off to a breakfast-heavy start here in the rankings, but that’s the best stuff to order. Remember when they switched to EGGS ALL DAY?!?! Better news than taking credit cards, even.
3. Let’s just go ahead and say Egg + Bacon and Egg + Ham.
You just can’t beat Egg + Meat Product. Some mayo. Some cheese. Everything bagel. Coffee.
4. Pastrami + Swiss.
You may need a nap after, which is more of a positive than a negative, yeah?
5. Smoked Turkey.
The best of the cold meats. Make sure to get “smoked” turkey not the regular turkey. Throw some avocado on it. Bacon, too.
6. Salami + Feta Spread.
This might be more of a hidden gem than your usual go to. It’s fantastic. lettuce/tomato/onion.
7. Roast Beef.
Plus the usual sandwich toppings. Definitely with horseradish though.
8. Chicken Salad.
DYK: The Chicken Salad is made with turkey, not chicken? True story. Either way, it’s bueno.
9. Ham + Swiss.
Ain’t nothing wrong with Ham + Swiss. They used to make this an auto-hot order, but recently I’ve found you have to ask for it hot. Can’t hurt to make sure.
10. BLT. DOUBLE BACON.
Why double bacon? WHY NOT DOUBLE BACON. Add mayo, duh.
11. Avocado + Feta Spread.
My favorite vegematarian sandwich combo. For such occasions.
12. Lox + Cream Cheese.
Onions for sure. This is a solid sandwich but good god, Bodo’s, invest in some capers. If you’re ordering this, BYO capers, I guess.
This is really good at Bodo’s actually. It’s not a usual order of mine, but if you’re a fan, I can safely say it is of premium PB&J quality.
14. Cream Cheese on a bagel
You might say this is too low. I might say that the only time I eat just cream cheese on a bagel is when work is providing breakfast and that’s what they order.
SUBRANKINGS OF CREAM CHEESES:
-blueberry? Meh. Walnut raisin? Gross. Neufchatel is a stupid name for “diet.”
-oh god did you know they have OLIVE CREAM CHEESE on the menu? jesus christ.
15. Corned Beef.
Yeah it’s fine. I get it less than once a year, though. Obviously with mustard.
Before we get to the gross stuff…I assume the capicola is good?
17. Tuna Salad.
Ehhhhhh. It’s not bad. I’ve thrown it on a caesar salad there before. It squishes out of the bagel too easily. Plus there’s better options…why are you eating tuna?
18. Shrimp Salad.
What went wrong? What has life done to you that you’re ordering this? Don’t do it.
19. Taking your bagel outside and filling it with random parking lot detritus.
20. Anything with the word “liver” in it.
21. The physical embodiment of that Sara Mclaughlin song on a bagel, plus someone else spit in it.
22. Egg Salad.