ACC football teams as characters from The Simpsons

I know, I know, it’s late August and we’re approaching the final throes of the offseason. But I don’t think I’m the only one still very bored and not-so-patiently waiting for opening day. In that vein, here’s something I’ve thought about doing for awhile: comparing ACC football teams to characters from one of my favorite TV shows, The Simpsons.

Atlantic Division

Boston College Eagles: Between the accent and their status as a transplant from well outside of the conference’s geographical footprint, they’re just a little out-of-place. But with a $2.3 billion endowment, they certainly aren’t lacking for money. Mayor Quimby.

Clemson Tigers: A little brash or even arrogant, sure, but there’s a reason everyone tunes in to watch when they’re on TV. Kent Brockman.

Florida State Seminoles: An unmatched history and legacy compared to their peers, mixed with a little bit of evil, makes them easy to be jealous of and maybe even hate a little bit. Mr. Burns.

Louisville Cardinals: We don’t know where they came from or why they’re here, but we’ll humor them in the meantime. Poochie.

N.C. State Wolfpack: This dog is a huge part of why we’re all here in the first place. Santa’s Little Helper.

Syracuse Orange: A ham-handed bunch from upstate New York that frequently gets steamed by their opponents. Principal Skinner.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons: Rooted in Christianity and everyone’s favorite neighbor. Ned Flanders.

Coastal Division

Duke Blue Devils: Best known in the 1990s for electrocuting themselves out of insanity. Frank Grimes.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets: Nerds who always give their best effort, regardless of how they’re perceived by the outside world. Martin Prince.

Miami Hurricanes: The hell-raisers of the late ‘80s and early ‘90s with an attitude to match. You either loved or hated them. Bart Simpson.

North Carolina Tar Heels: A preeminent figure from the beginning, they’re Duke's old rival and never finished their degree. Homer Simpson.

Pittsburgh Panthers: see also Louisville Cardinals.

Virginia Cavaliers: They’re the only charter member of the Coastal Division to have never played in the ACC championship game. They’ve almost had a couple licks at that shiny brass ring but just haven’t closed the sale. Gil Gunderson.

Virginia Tech Hokies: The slack-jawed yokel from the boondocks. Cletus Spuckler.