A Kentucky Fan: I hate Louisville and So Should You

It feels like just yesterday when Louisville joined the ACC. So much so, that we're still not really sure why we should hate Louisville. The Conference dubbed Louisville-Virginia as permanent cross-division rivals, but a rivalry is not made overnight. Instead, we reached out to SB Nation's A Sea of Blue, a Kentucky Wildcats community, to ask them why we should hate the Cardinals. They obliged. Thanks to Keith Garrett from A Sea of Blue for over 1,500 words of hate.

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The Kentucky Wildcats vs. the Louisville Cardinals rivalry is one that burns with a white-hot intensity.  The rivalry is deep seeded with hate and sometimes delusion.  Both fan bases have their fanatics and they have many irrational motives.  Unfortunately for UL, they really have no basis to be able to argue for their team in such a way.

The Louisville Cardinals "nation" (LOL) refer to themselves as the ‘Cards... this is very apropos considering their entire delusion level of success in Football and Basketball is built on a house of cards.  Big Blue Nation refers to those in red and black and little brother.  A better description cannot be found, they are a group of insecure whiners who live and die by trying to be like Kentucky.

Question: What is the difference in a UL fan and a baby?

Answer: Eventually... the baby will stop whining.

One of my favorite things about the Louisville fan base is their undying desire to "throw up their L's" to anyone who will watch it.

This cracks me up and fits them to a T, it is ironic that one of the 90's pop culture icons was throwing and L on your forehead to indicate LOSER...  I could not agree more 1990s.

The Cardinal fan is not someone you should not underestimate.  They have an amazing ability to find ways to consistently 1-up their stupidity.  UL guy would rather see UK lose than see UL win, that level of insecurity and emotional intelligence is only found in the least evolved creatures.

Question: What is the difference in a dead dog in the road and a dead cardinal?

Answer: There are skid marks in the road with the dog.

Knowing what the Cardinal fan is composed of, you certainly do not want to be caught in the wild with one.  However, if you do encounter one, there are some ways to mitigate your risk and possibly neutralize the situation.

The first thing you need to know is how to quickly spot the Louisville fan so you can take the appropriate action.

-       They WILL have their shirt off.

-       They will ask you where you went to high school.  (This is a weird but true Louisville obsession/competition)

-       Their line beard will be epic, no more than 1.67 inches wide.  If it is 1.68 or wider, you are fine.

-       If you are at an event where there is a D.J. working, that is a UL fan.

-       They may even still have steam coming off the freshly ironed flat bill hat.

-       If they do not have a bottle of Crown Royal with them, they will smell of it.

-       If you ask them how their commute from their parents house was, they will respond "L yeah."

-       They may be wearing a beak...  I kid, of course they are.

-       They still think Peyton Siva is better than John Wall is...  LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

-       They might be wearing a shirt that says, "I bleed RED"... no seriously, they made one.

-       Ask them their birthday; it was likely February due to their mother's indiscretions at the infield of the derby.

Once you have spotted the creature and discerned that they are in fact a UL fan and not a delusional hobo, you need to act quickly.  You will want to take one of the below actions to avoid an interaction that will surely dock you IQ points.  At the very least you will likely become a suspect in a recent crime if you are seen with them.

-       Tell them "bruh, your sweet line is a bit shabby," they will jet for the barbershop instantly.

-       Let them know that the liquor store around the corner is selling Crown Royal for $5 to anyone shirtless with a flat bill hat on.

-       Flash a fake badge, they will be on a 4.3 forty pace with a quickness.

-       Throw a shirt at them.

-       Let them know that there is a UK fan around the corner; they will perk up their beak to sniff out the member of BBN so they do not miss anything.

Those are a few ways to help you out of a sticky situation.  If you run into the creature one day and live to tell the tale, kudos to you my friend.

Question: What is the difference in Rick Pitino and cigarettes?

Answer: John Calipari does not smoke cigarettes.

THE COACHING STAFF

Rick Pitino and Bobby Petrino are the coaches... the jokes write themselves.  It is as if the University decided to bring the two biggest caricatures in America together.

Bobby Petrino

The fact that Bobby Petrino is back at UL is enough of a joke that it should not need expanded upon... but I will.  Let us start with the fact that just a few years back, Bobby Petrino got OUT of Louisville as fast as he could for something better.

In a move of the antithesis of professionalism, he proceeded to completely hang the Atlanta Falcons out to dry, in the middle of the night.  He actually left post it notes for his players to let them know he left.  I am not sure a coach can do anything more cowardly and disrespectful than that.

Then, of course there is the debacle at Arkansas.  Not only did he disrespect his wife by cheating on her, he HIRED his sidepiece on the staff at Arkansas.  We all know about the motorcycle wreck and the cover up afterwards.

Of course, after one season at Western Kentucky, the Cardinals welcomed Bobby P back, with open arms.  To break this down in real life terms, this is like being a four (UL) and finding an eight (BP) to go out with you.  The eight goes out behind your back while you watch, then the eight goes on to do the same thing to a much better option (ATL).

The eight moves on and nearly sabotages an entire family tree (Arkansas) while lying about it.  How do you react?  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME BACK BOBBY!  LOL

Question: What is the difference in Bobby Petrino and a Carp

Answer: One is a bottom feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a Fish.

Rick Pitino

Rick Pitino is as hate-able as they come as well; he has never met an opponent that was not the toughest opponent he has ever faced.  Rick is on a level of hyperbole that makes Don King jealous.

Rick also has a lack of self-awareness that is almost unbelievable.  Just months after he was busted for hooking up with a woman on the table top of an Italian restaurant, and then paying for/forcing an abortion, he had the gall to say this about the Big East during a time when schools were leaving conferences. http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/rick-pitino-relationship-analogy-describe-big-east-defectors-syracuse-pittsburgh-article-1.964353

"My problem is not them leaving," he said.  "My problem is you did it in 48 hours.  Don't run away with a girl after one date when you've been dating someone else for three or four years.  You've been dating this woman for 30 years, show a little respect."

Nobody talks more about being humble than Pitino does, someone should tell him that humility means not saying you are humble.  Throw Ricky Three Stacks in his awful white Colonel Sanders suit and you have a full-fledged caricature that is easy to hate.

Question: How do you know when it is Rick Pitino's birthday?

Answer: Everyone gets to leave 15 minutes early.

THE MEDIA MINIONS AND BIG TOM JURICH

-       Tom Jurich seems like the kind of guy who knows everyone at Hooters by name.

-       He seems like the kind of guy who thinks 9/11 was an inside job and he can prove it.

-       He seems like the kind of guy that has a fake handicap-parking sticker.

-       He seems like the kind of guy who knows several people who have hit a deer.

-       He seems like the kind of guy who thinks loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk and tells that joke constantly.

-       He seems like the kind of guy who bought a VCR because wrestling comes on when he is at work.

The University of Louisville sports programs are ran by Tom Jurich, what is not on his Bio is the fact that he also runs the Louisville media and directs them on what to say and what to write.  Who can forget the time that the Louisville Courier Journal decided to make fun of Nerlens Noel after he tore his ACL and ended his season and hurt his draft status, real class act.

CONCLUSION

If you are looking for reasons to hate Louisville, you do not have to look very far.  The city itself is dying to be something more than it really is.  The fans of Louisville are so delusional and intelligence challenged that it is like shooting fish in a barrel.  Then you have the leaders of the school that seem to be in competition with each other on who can be the biggest butt of a joke.

The undeniable truth is that Louisville is the little brother of the state; they are the little brother of the ACC conference and the little brother in life.  There never ending quest to "fit in" or be hip and cool is something that is both funny and sad.

They are the kind of program you want to always be around for the entertainment factor.  Anytime a Louisville fan is in the room, rest easy knowing that you are not the dumbest person in the room.